| 17 weeks from last |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|11:10 pm] |
In case you forgot who I am.
My name is Megan. I used to live in Concord, NC, now I live in Atlanta. I think that I am the only person in this city that does not like rap or hip-hop. I dig through the trash to pick out the recyclables my roommate had thrown away. I compost. I bathe every other day. My hair is getting longer and I haven't brushed it in weeks. I grow things on the window sill. I almost never do the dishes, but I cook everyday. I hate milk, but I like cheese. I don't have cable. I steal Internet from "billy" or "lando". I never used to go out and then I did and now I don't again. I'm a vegetarian, and no, I don't eat fish, or chicken, or bacon. I hate my birthday and most holidays. I am messy. It is impossible for me to organize my belongings. And I'm okay with that. I have a dog named Margot. She is a gassy rat killer. I don't smoke weed. But sometimes I might. I have a different idea of perfection. I like wearing "granny panties". I hate the word "panty". I get cranky when I haven't eaten. I like riding the train. And I will always dislike you when I meet you. I can't help it.
Okay, there it is. I'm ready to start talking again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2008|09:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Concord | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Deerhoof- "choco fight" | ] |
Bye bye Charlotte. Queen City. Crown Town. whatever. Good bye Concord. Race track. Stupid mall. Dump. I'm moving to Atlanta. There's a three bedroom, hardwood floors, high ceilinged house with a fenced in back yard in Cabbage Town with my name on it. And if you're nice, I'll let you stay the night. You could even take the train. Riding the train is kind of like being at the Caribbean fest but without the music or spicy food.
Its funny, I never thought that I would actually push myself enough to accomplish a feat such as this.
My inner bitch laughs whenever I think about girls in Charlotte that run around pretending to be models, when its Charlotte for fucks sake. There is no way to be a model here. And if there's a way to make rent in only 3 1/2 days of work as a model in Charlotte, then I haven't found it yet. Don't get me wrong, Atlanta is no New York, but its a good place to start.
I'm going to steal Cooze away from this city since everyone thinks he's the one moving. That will show them. And we will live in a magical world where gold yellow light pours down on us and giggle as we ride our bikes down the sidewalk shaded by ancient trees.
( I've been in a good mood ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|04:30 pm] |
Its like puberty: round 2.
Don't you dare say anything to me or else I will run away crying. The people at Chile's wouldn't sit us until I stopped. Its all because NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME. I'm just so unique and complicated and misunderstood with all my problems and depression and bangs.
Cooze is worried about me. And maybe he's right. Maybe I have been a tad emotionally unstable, more so than usual. Its not like I'm bat shit insane, I just can't have a normal conversation with him without ending up in tears.
When I'm not crying and freaking out about everything, I'm doing this:
( here, look at these pictures ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2008|01:40 pm] |
The day I was born.
( it was a small day )
I went to a casting at Carolina Talent even though they didn't represent me. The client, Victoria, from Elite, likeed only two girls and I was one of them. I think that part is hilarious.
On Wednesday Cooze and I are going down to Atlanta to meet with her again. I'm trying to act excited and happy, but on the inside I'm shaking with nerves. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2007|11:32 pm] |
I'm almost too sore to appreciate the internet this fine evening. Hopefully we will reunite later this month, forever.
Latest news, I'm sick. My cell phone is sick too. When I open it, the screen is blank, I can't really call anyone, but more importantly, I can't tell what time it is because that's really all my cell phone is to me, an expensive clock.
(the three people that call/text me do not get offended at the above statement. Also, do not text me because I can not reply.)
My temperature is 99.1, I wonder if that is high enough to not be able to go into work. God I hope it is.
I'm planning something, but I'm not ready to tell anyone. Its not ready yet, the plan still needs...planning, but don't worry, you'll all be proud of me.
temp. now 99.2 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2007|12:48 am] |
Hi there. Hi. Hello. I almost forgot what the internet was but here I am again for this brief moment I am here. I have a creepy 38 year old stalker at work now. yayyyy.... he didn't come in yesterday I hope he found someone else to stalk and say creepy things to or better yet he got hit by a security guard on a segwei. Those segwei things that I don't know how to spell might come in handy when the mall is over run with zombies like in dawn of the dead. I saw that movie for the first time the other day. I don't like scary movies so when cooze busted through the door I screamed like I was about to be bitten by a zombie, but it was just my lovely boyfriend dressed as chilly willy.
I'm getting him(cooze not chilly willy) a wii for christmas because I'm rich and amazing and now that I'm rich and amazing everyone will want to be my friend and if they don't, I will shoot them in the head as if they were zombies. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 13th, 2007|12:01 am] |
I'm drowning in my own patheticness, thats not even a word. And everything there is to say has already been said while crying over the phone. I kind of want someone to punch me, because quite frankly, I am too lazy to do it myself.
I have this constant feeling that everyone is upset with me, even strangers are mad at me for no reason at all other than the fact that they actually have to try to hear me and trying is too hard when you're fat.
I got paid today. 457.37.
It will go towards: smoothies. peach or mango smoothies, because I don't like strawberry and pear is alright but not amazing.
And a pack of cigarettes a week, but thats it. |
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| blackest black |
[Oct. 7th, 2007|10:47 pm] |
I'm getting ready for work.
Look at how happy I am to be working.
Where did September go? I shut my eyes for one second and now its October. I've also started to have coffee shop nightmares where the coffee pots are spinning and I can't get the coffee out for the hostile customers and other dreams similar to that one. They're all the same evil haunting dream of me not being able to do things perfectly, but according to the spine of a book I was shelving, I need to stop trying to be perfect and start being extraordinary. |
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| at work |
[Oct. 5th, 2007|06:01 pm] |
Cooze is taking a nap in my bed and I'm waiting for him to wake up so that we can go to the grocery store.
I dyed my hair, I'll show you tomorrow. |
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| hey, I don't look like these people! |
[Oct. 2nd, 2007|11:56 pm] |
I've been told that I look like a lot of people. Here are just a few.
And I disagree with all of them.
(when I had long hair)
(when I had blonde hair)
oh god why.
(now)
hahahaha
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|12:14 am] |
This picture is just cute as a button
I really like going to the beach, but sometimes I wish I could go somewhere else for a change.
I accidentally grabbed the febreze air effects that was right beside the sunscreen and kept asking Cooze why the sunscreen was so oily. Brace walked in and asked me why I was spraying febreze all over my body. The water was perfect and I fell asleep on the beach, but I didn't get burned. Thank you febreze. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|12:59 pm] |
Cooze said he'd be here to pick me up at one, and I hope he's running late because I'm still not dressed. Yeah, I'm sure he cares.
And I couldn't wait long enough to get a good picture, but I got a hair cut and this is kind of what it looks like.
Actually, this is exactly what it looks like.
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2007|01:25 am] |
Anything worth repeating is just emotional nonsense that my mind makes up due to too much time alone inside my head. And alone is what I feel most of the time, proving that I'm not really a robot after all.
I question everything, wondering what will be the answer. What if I cut my hair? Bleach my teeth? Get a tan? Paint my nails? Will doing this make me happy? make my life better?
No.
The day before my day off from work I saw a notice telling me that we have a meeting on sunday at 7. So I tell myself don't forget. Don't forget about the meeting megan. Wait, what time? Let me check my handbook...it says 7:30 am. Okay, I'll get there early just in case. So I got there at 7:07 and no one was there. I wait in the parking lot for 20 minutes and then my mom drives over to steak and shake and we get two bagels. After the bagels there is still no one. We drive around the mall. We drive around again. And again. Finally after an hour later we leave and I go back to sleep until time for work. I go to work and I'm terrified that I'm going to get written up for not showing up to the meeting that I tried to attend.
I reread the paper.
The meeting was for 7 PM.
This is what my life looks like right now:
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2007|11:35 am] |
This is part of the backyard I spent half my childhood growing up in. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2007|12:48 am] |
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I miss last summer so much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2007|12:29 pm] |
haha I just remembered a conversation I had with my shrink.
he asks, "so what do you see yourself doing after school?"
me, "I don't know...er..well what I really want to do is get a bike, but not just any bike, I want a bike, a girl bike, that has that metal bar that slants down so that I could wear dresses on it and metal over the wheels and skinny wheels for riding in the city."
he says something dumb
and I say "no."
I don't see him anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2007|11:37 am] |
Last sunday was Cooze's 20th birthday. For some reason that age sounds so far away from me, but we're only a year and a half apart. I think that I'll just be 18 forever.
So to continue, his birthday was sunday and I got the day off for it. Sunday was also his last kickball game and they went swimming after and had alot of fun but I wouldn't know because I didn't go. I wanted to, but instead I baked him a cake.
He and Brace showed up at my house, Brace was out of his mind and ate a frozen french fry out of my freezer and then some ham.
I went to go put my cake in the kitchen at his parents' house and there were already two cakes on the counter.
After dinner we laid around and watched tv and then we went to the milestone because Cooze was turning "21" there. I wanted to go even though I had no idea who playing, I just wanted to go out and have fun with him because I know he goes out and has fun but I'm never there.
Yesterday was my sister's birthday. I worked 2 to close and I didn't even see her at all. She got an ab lounge thing from wal mart.
Oh, and look at this purse my mom got me.
She and the rest of my family that with her all agreed that it was "so ME". |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2007|01:09 pm] |
Running into the bathroom, crying so hard that tears and snot ran off the tip of my nose, I brushed my teeth with my new toothbrush and every mouthful of spit was red with blood. Blood was running down the side of the brush, so I just left it there.
it wasn't a good day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2007|11:44 pm] |
Wait. Why did I get a job?
ummmmm, yeah.
Everyone is going to college. Not me. Here I am working a full time job with no car no apartment no life, pretending that I'm glad that I'm not going to school whenever someone asks me what my plans are for the fall. Everything I want seems to be forever out of reach. And yeah yeah I know that desire only causes suffering. But goddamn it I want it so bad. I want control of my life. I want to be able to paint the walls or mount pictures, I want to cook and clean, eat on real plates and serve cocktails in a little cocktail dress. Its stupid but its what I want but it will never happen because I only make 7.00 an hour.
And I've come to the realization that I will probably never see 90% of my friends from highschool ever again, but thats cool I never hang out with anyone anyways.
wow I suck. |
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